All Things For Good

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good for those called according to His purpose.
Romans 8:28

How awesome is that? God works ALL things for good. Any hurt you've experienced falls under this category. That abuse, those harsh words, pain of rejection. God uses all of these for good.

Challenge: Reflect on hurts that you've experienced. How can God use this for good?

Forgiving as Christ forgave

How can I not forgive when Christ suffered more than I know and yet He forgave?

This question has been on my mind the last few days and especially as I meditate on His death on a cross.  Christ suffered false accusations of guilt and rejection be His own people.  He suffered on a tree, crucified with criminals and treated horribly.  And yet, in all of this, He cried out, "Father, forgive them for they do not know what they do." (Luke 23:34)

How can I not forgive when He forgave those who beat Him and sentenced Him to die?  And how can I not seek His forgiveness and seek to be as Christ who chose to be a sacrifice for our salvation from eternal punishment?

Christ the Savior

Savior: a person who saves, rescues or delivers. (Dictionary.com)

Christ saves us from our sin and from ourselves.  He steps in at our darkest hour and brings out of the darkness into the light. 

In the ten years that I have known Christ personally, He has shown me this multiple times.  The first challenge was deliverance from my sin.  As I grew in relationship with Christ, I learned just how much He saved me and wants to save all people from sin.

Perhaps more personal to me was when I reached a point of such desparation and depression that I turned to thoughts of serious self-harm.  As I struggled to turn away from this depression, I saw God at work in my life.  He stepped in and walked with me through this dark time.  He saved me from myself and from my past.  And He saved me from this to His plan to bring Him glory.

I pray that God would work in your life and reveal His great love and salvation. 

Picture Perfect

Remember school photos?  Parents would dress up each child in the best clothes and send them on their way to school.  A few weeks later, a package would be sent home with the beautiful photos.

A few weeks ago, I browsed through photos of myself as a child and was saddened to see the light gone out in such young eyes.  Such a perfect picture thinly veiled the pain inside a young child.  How often we see this reality.

Fortunately, life goes on and we have a chance to rewrite our story by changing our future.  What are you doing to rewrite your present and future? 

A Reason For The Pain

Jesus answered, "It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him."

John 9:3

 

The people had just asked Christ, "Who sinned, this man or his parents, that he is blind."  In the days of Christ's ministry, any infirmity or disability was viewed as a direct result of sin, whether that person's or the previous generation's.  Nothing just happened. 

When I read this passage, I internally jumped for joy.  I finally had an answer to this question, "why do bad things happen to good people?"  I struggled with this question in a more specific sense: Why did God allow me to be abused?  I knew that He would work good from the situation, but I just couldn't see why God would allow it or what I had done to deserve it.  I finally came to the realization that sometimes bad things just happen.

Bad things happen, but not without a purpose.  God has a plan to show His works through every situation if we would let Him.  Are you willing to let God work through your struggles and trials?  Are you willing to give it to Him that He may be glorified?

 

This does not negate the pain.  I know well how much it will hurt, even years after the fact.  However, to begin to heal, I have learned that I must look to God above who will help me through the pain. 

 

Challenge:  Reflect on a trying time in your life.  If it is recent, consider the ways God could be glorified and what His purpose may be.  If it is a more distant situation, consider what He has done through this difficulty and how He has shown Himself and His great works.

Value After Abuse

As a teen and college student, I struggled with seeing my value when much of my life had been filled with such horrid abuse.  All I could see, especially when I looked at my life through religious lens, was a person so dirty and invaluable.  I saw a person who was as good as trash, not as the valuable person God sees.

When I came to know Christ, I knew that He saw value, after all He died on the cross to save me.  However, this did not sink in until I went through a major depression.  I reached such a low that I considered ending my life and even gave God a deadline to change my mind.  Fortunately, God loves His rebellious and hurting child so much that He gave me such a strong answer that I could not give up. 

So, here I am, four years later.  While it is still a struggle to see the beautiful person God sees, I can now honestly say that God loves me, His beautiful and valuable creation, and that He saves us from our sin and, oftentimes, ourselves.

If you are hurting today, I ask that God would be with you.  Look to Him, and He will be with you, His beloved.

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations." 
                     Jeremiah 1:5

"When the going gets tough..."

Many of us have heard this phrase: "When the going gets tough, the tough get going."
This principle proves quite useful in times of extreme stress. Rather than run from the difficult situation, we are better running toward the problem and taking it by the horns.

One such case comes from my college years. I had reached a point of such mental exhaustion that it had started manifesting through very real physical illnesses over several months. Rather than quitting (an idea I sadly entertained), I kept fighting through it. I spent many days voiceless and many sleepless nights as I, with the help of God and many friends, fought through my inner turmoil.

Now, I find myself thankful for the difficulty I struggled through and the deeper faith God has blessed me with.

Those of you who are in the midst of a difficult time, I offer this advice. Keep pushing through it and fighting. You will be stronger for it.

Be True To Yourself

What a concept, to be true to oneself.  To do so risks losing friends, offending family and strangers, and true happiness.

With this post, I am speaking to myself as well as you.  I know how it feels to stand with friends and wear a mask or to be at home and not share your hurt.  Lately, I have gone through a period of self reflection with God and seen how I have stifled His work through me because I am not true to myself and real with the world around me.

Today's a new day and a time to make a commitment to be true to yourself.  Look in the mirror and embrace who you are, for there is no one else who is exactly like you.  Stand tall today as you tell the world your story and share who you are, even at the risk of being hurt.

God be with you.

One More Day

One more day.  A very loaded phrase. 

One more day with friends.

One more day with family.

One more day outside of a hospital.

One more day on the earth.

For some just one more day is a gift they can only ask God for.  Many of us have experienced the loss of a loved one and wished we could have just one more day to say goodbye.  This sorrow runs deep and can only be healed by time and grieving.

For others, one more day of life is a question that only the next day can answer.  They understand the uncertainty of life for their own is such.

I came to a crossroads that juxtaposed the two.  I felt such despair I questioned if I could continue on one more day.  And yet if I didn't and chose to end my life, I would leave so many wishing for just one more day to change my mind and heart, to show me that there was a life worth living.

Fortunately, God gave me strength to continue on just one more day and people to show me the reason to continue. 

If you are at this same crossroads, I beg you to wait just one more day.  Reach out to God and let Him save you in this very literal sense.  He can show life worth living and can heal your wounded heart and body.  Don't give up yet.  Keep holding on just one more day, one night, one more hour. 

May God be with you and heal you.

Invisible No More

Like so many, I have tried to be invisible.  I feared telling others about my past because I don't have the scars that people can physically see.  I carry scars deep within.  In fact, many are still open wounds that have yet to become healed scars.  

I began sharing my story when I reached a point that where my life was at stake.  I reached out for help... And met mixed reactions.  Those who knew nothing about it made light of the situationa and even accused me of doing it for attention.  Fortunately, I met with far more who understood enough to offer their support rather than their judgment.

Regardless of the reactions, I began to feel free.  I no longer had a deep, dark secret.  I had a story worth revealing.  I found that little girl who loved life and people.  I found the creative and happy part of me.  And I began to heal.

I am not invisible, even though the scars are.  I challenge you to tell your story.  Speak it here.  Talk to a few trusted friends or family members.  Shout it from the rooftops if you need to.  Never let anyone diminish the pain you suffer.  You are not invisible.  You are special and wonderful.  You are loved and deserved to be loved with a love that never hurts. 

May God bless you tonight and always.

Inner Beauty

The world glorifies the superficial beauty of a select few young people.  In America, this means being size 0 and looking like the supermodels we see on magazines.  For American men and boys, we glorify the muscular man who is also the smooth talker.  In other cultures, beauty is in having curves or having the rugged workman look.

These standards are nearly impossible for any of us "regular" people to reach in their lifetime.  The worse reality is that this superficial beauty is also finite.  In a few short years, we will fall well below the standards set by our world and culture.

There is a beauty that is worth far more than anything in the world.  Who you are inside, your personality, your love for people, is the most beautiful thing in the world.

As a teen, I knew one person who I envied more than anything.  She was the sweetest woman who gave everything to those who needed it.  She was never angry.  She always had a smile on her face and would lend that listening ear without judgment.  This woman was and is the person I wanted to be like. 

She was not the picture perfect supermodel.  However, she was the person you could count on, the one who knew exactly what to say.  She loved and laughed and always lit up the room.  It was her inner beauty that caught my attention.

What do you look like inside? Are you a pleasant person to be around, or are you superficial?

The Dream of Innocence

Tonight, I am finding myself a little stuck because I am facing a topic I know little of, innocence.  At a very young age, men stole my innocence by violating me in addition to other forms of abuse.

The sad reality is that many children have their innocence stolen from them.  So what now?  Do we wallow in self-pity and fear the world around us?  Do we allow the past to steal our future? 

I challenge you to something better, to surviving, thriving, and overcoming the past.  Let's make a stand and tell our abusers that they may have stolen our innocence by "educating" us at a young age but they cannot dictate our future.  They cannot take our happiness away. 

Stand strong, stand proud.  Overcome shame and be proud of the fact that you did survive and can overcome anything the world may throw at us.

Freedom

Today is the Fourth, my first alone.  I had two options, feel sorry for myself or thank God that I'm alive.  Fortunately, I resisted the former and spent the day being fairly productive.  This evening, I reminisced on older days, days with family and days remembering tragedy.

In America, we are blessed, though we rarely acknowledge it.  Yes, I suffered abuse at the hands of protectors.  However, I also had wonderful opportunities to go to school, meet new people and potentially better myself.  Even now, I am living over 1200 miles from my family, pursuing a Master's, and experiencing a new culture. 

In many countries, this would not be a possibility, especially for a young female.  At 24, I would already be married with several little ones or considered an old maid in many countries.  How awesome is it that I can say that I am a valuable person with opportunities to grow and choose my future.

I am also allowed to choose what religion to believe in and able to worship my God freely.  Some are not even afforded the privilege of openly or privately worshipping a God.  While we still must fight for the privilege to believe what we wish, the constitution affords us this privilege and even calls it a right.

So, today, and everyday, I will choose to thank God for the ability and opportunity to better myself and worship him.  I pray that you will thank God for these freedoms.  And for those of you who do not live in America and do not have many of these privileges, I pray that God will bless your life and help you to be all you can.

Learning to Love Yourself: Part 3

Forgiveness

Many a sermon has been on the difficult topic of forgiveness or rather learning to forgive others.  However, I have learned that the one person I needed to forgive the most is myself.  After all, how can I love myself if I cannot forgive even the smallest thing that God forgives.

Throughout my journey to healing from my past, I have struggled with getting over how weak I was, even though I was a child at the time.  I still find things I wish I could change.  But these grudges that I held against myself really held me back in my relationship with God. 

Here are a few tips to forgiving yourself. 
1. Acknowledge what you hold against yourself.  Put it into perspective with the situation or time.  Is this something you could have helped?
2.  Own it.  Even if it is something trivial, own what you struggle to forgive.  Perhaps it is a matter of feeling you should have been nicer to someone or you think you failed someone else or yourself.
3.  Be gracious.  Everyone makes mistakes.  You must be gracious with yourself and learn to forgive and move on.

In the end, the past is the past, the future a mystery.  Live in the present regret free.

Learning to Love Yourself: Part 2

Finding the Good:

Take a few minutes and list ten things that you like about yourself.  This list will be difficult but give it a shot.  Here is my list to give you a few ideas:

1.  I am intelligent.
2.  I am cheerful.
3.  I am compassionate.
4.  I am loving.
5.  I am a great listener.
6.  I am proud of my all-natural hair color.
7.  I am mostly in shape.
8.  I am energetic.
9.  I am attentive.
10.  I am hopeful.

Take a look at your list, even it took you awhile.  These are things to be proud of. 

What if I can't find ten things? 
That's okay.  Even one thing is a start. 

Isn't it sinful to boast?
Yes.  However, God did create you and saw good.  This is an exercise in seeing the good that God sees and learning to love who you are and who you can be.

I've made the list.  Now what?
When you are feeling down or being too hard on yourself, look at this list and remind yourself of the good you have.  Learn to see and love the good in you.

Learning to Love Yourself: Part 1

Lately, I have searched myself and seen just how far I have came from who I was.  Five years ago, I hated myself.  I saw a weak person who had allowed others to hurt me.  I could never forgive myself for not speaking up sooner and for not being strong enough or smart enough to stop the abuse.  I saw a person who had a little too much fat, and too many emotional issues for any to love. 

Now, I love who I am and work on changing what I do not like.  I still have a long way to go, but I love where I have come.

Because of my experience and my mistakes, I am offering this bit of wisdom to all who are willing to listen and engage in conversation.  As I go through this, feel free to drop in your thoughts, agreements, or disagreements.   Most of all, may God be with you on your journey.

Vulnerability is strength

Our world teaches to be strong, insisting that any sign of weakness will be the end.  You must be strong, we hear.  You cannot trust anyone but yourself, they teach us.  There is no higher power, no one to save you, but you. 

We buy into the lies.  We put on the mask of strength and independence.  Out in the world, and often in our homes, we cannot and do not trust anyone. 

This path leads us to loneliness and destruction.  For many, it leads to suicidal ideation or other self-destructive choices. 

I was one of those people.  I wore the mask and seemed so strong to everyone... but myself.  And when it mattered most, I could nothing.  I ran into myself and broke through the wall.  I realized just how weak I really was.  And I learned just how strong God is and how he created us to have strength in numbers.  We cannot stand alone forever.

After near devastation, I started putting the mask and allowing my defenses to be broken down.  It hurt and sometimes still hurts.  I struggle with trusting others, but I have learned to be honest with myself and with others.  I will not put on a show anymore, because in the simple of honesty, I have strength, strength to allow God to heal my heart and to allow people to know the real me.

Will you join me?  Will you put down your mask and be honest, even if only in a small way?

Learning to Love You

"You cannot make someone love you.  You can only be someone who can be loved."
                                                -unknown

Too often we try to be something we're not to so that we can be loved.  And we've all seen the movies that depict a person gaining popularity by losing who he is. 

I have honestly learned that I can only be loved when I am who I love to be.  After many struggles and failures (including a breakdown), I stopped trying and instead starting take care of me first.  I love people and want so much to help everyone; however, I cannot help anyone if I do not first give myself the attention needed to tend to my wounds.

For any of you reading this, I challenge you to step away from the world's idea of you and take a long look in the mirror.  Do you love what you see?  If not, change it.  Take the challenge of facing yourself and starting the long road to finding who you are.

Beautiful As You Are

When you look in a mirror, what do you see?  Do you see a beautiful face, a person who matters?  Or, like many, do you see every little flaw?  Do you see a tarnished person, a piece of trash?  You are NOT alone.

I used to look in a mirror and see a person who was so dirty no one could possibly want to know me.  I did not see worth, value, intelligence, beauty.  In fact, I had seen it proven time and again that I was disposable, only worth what others could take.

But then, I met the one person who saw me differently, someone who didn't want anything from me.  He only wanted to give me the love that I really deserved and show me the worth that was there all along.  Through tumultuous times, He stripped away my defenses, brought to my knees, and opened my eyes to the value that He saw, the person He created.  And it is only through His love, God's love, that I am still here. 

God found me, or rather I found Him, when I had reached the lowest point in my childhood.  And it was at this crucial turning point that God came into my life.  From then on, I had something to live for, a reason to do well and try to make something of myself. 



Are not two sparrows sold for a penny?  Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father's care.  And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered.  So don't be afraid, you are worth more than many sparrows.  Matthew 10:29-31

How Great the Father's Love

Recently, I had a very thought provoking conversation with a coworker.  He told me that he believed love is a lie.  The sad reality is that, after hearing his story, I can understand his point. 

Far too often, children are subjected to situations far out of their control and begin to form this warped view of a love that no one would want a part of.  Sadly, the story never ends.  Again and again, I have heard and seen this.  In fact, I had a point when I doubted that there could ever be such a love that I would want to know.

Fortunately, I met Jesus and my life changed.  It didn't change overnight, but it did change.  After many years and a dark spell, I really began to experience a life changing, life-saving love.  It was this love that taught me to look to God rather than people for the love I needed.  Only when this hole inside of me is filled with the love of God can I then really experience a healthy from other people. 

I pray that God would show you this love and heal your wounds just as He is healing mine.

Memories

At church this evening, my pastor made a reference to a "prayer closet."  The moral of the lesson was about how we go to Christ for all of our supplies.  However, I had difficulty focusing on the moral of the story.
Instead, I thought of how I used to spend time sitting in my closet as a child.  It was one of the few places where I felt safe.  As tends to happen, I spent some time fighting off a memory of my childhood abuse.

Fortunately, this was one of the lesser times.  Sadly, I fear that it may not remain this way.

Please pray that I can continue to remain in control of the memories and emotions.

God does provide

This week, I have lost my old phone and spent far more than I should have to get a new one. However, God also provided the means for me to get a phone that many "modern" people use. This sudden expenditure has left me concerned about finances; however, today my mantra is going to be God provides for those who claim Him as Lord. I have seen and experienced this many times but often am still crippled with worry. I know that God will provide just as He does for even the least. May God be with you.

Dealing with Depression

I have never been officially diagnosed with depression, primarily due to my own pride.  I desire to deal with depression without using chemicals.  However, I fear with the recurring depression and its ability to impair my life, I may have to admit that I cannot do this alone.  I've known that I cannot, but I still prefer keeping my facade and not admitting defeat to anyone. 

I have tried many natural remedies, including eating fish and taking St. John's Wort.  If you have any suggestions to help with depression, feel free to share.

To Begin

This is my first post, so here goes.  I am not good at opening up and letting the world see the real me.  I learned at a young age that the world is dangerous place; therefore, it is better to put up a wall and maybe I wouldn't be hurt.  Unfortunately, I have learned that the wall is keeping me from being happy and sharing what God has done and will do.

I make a promise to always be honest with you, my readers.  All I ask in return is that you let me help you and let God in.  Please join me as I venture into this chaos in hopes of finding peace.