Invisible No More

Like so many, I have tried to be invisible.  I feared telling others about my past because I don't have the scars that people can physically see.  I carry scars deep within.  In fact, many are still open wounds that have yet to become healed scars.  

I began sharing my story when I reached a point that where my life was at stake.  I reached out for help... And met mixed reactions.  Those who knew nothing about it made light of the situationa and even accused me of doing it for attention.  Fortunately, I met with far more who understood enough to offer their support rather than their judgment.

Regardless of the reactions, I began to feel free.  I no longer had a deep, dark secret.  I had a story worth revealing.  I found that little girl who loved life and people.  I found the creative and happy part of me.  And I began to heal.

I am not invisible, even though the scars are.  I challenge you to tell your story.  Speak it here.  Talk to a few trusted friends or family members.  Shout it from the rooftops if you need to.  Never let anyone diminish the pain you suffer.  You are not invisible.  You are special and wonderful.  You are loved and deserved to be loved with a love that never hurts. 

May God bless you tonight and always.

Inner Beauty

The world glorifies the superficial beauty of a select few young people.  In America, this means being size 0 and looking like the supermodels we see on magazines.  For American men and boys, we glorify the muscular man who is also the smooth talker.  In other cultures, beauty is in having curves or having the rugged workman look.

These standards are nearly impossible for any of us "regular" people to reach in their lifetime.  The worse reality is that this superficial beauty is also finite.  In a few short years, we will fall well below the standards set by our world and culture.

There is a beauty that is worth far more than anything in the world.  Who you are inside, your personality, your love for people, is the most beautiful thing in the world.

As a teen, I knew one person who I envied more than anything.  She was the sweetest woman who gave everything to those who needed it.  She was never angry.  She always had a smile on her face and would lend that listening ear without judgment.  This woman was and is the person I wanted to be like. 

She was not the picture perfect supermodel.  However, she was the person you could count on, the one who knew exactly what to say.  She loved and laughed and always lit up the room.  It was her inner beauty that caught my attention.

What do you look like inside? Are you a pleasant person to be around, or are you superficial?

The Dream of Innocence

Tonight, I am finding myself a little stuck because I am facing a topic I know little of, innocence.  At a very young age, men stole my innocence by violating me in addition to other forms of abuse.

The sad reality is that many children have their innocence stolen from them.  So what now?  Do we wallow in self-pity and fear the world around us?  Do we allow the past to steal our future? 

I challenge you to something better, to surviving, thriving, and overcoming the past.  Let's make a stand and tell our abusers that they may have stolen our innocence by "educating" us at a young age but they cannot dictate our future.  They cannot take our happiness away. 

Stand strong, stand proud.  Overcome shame and be proud of the fact that you did survive and can overcome anything the world may throw at us.

Freedom

Today is the Fourth, my first alone.  I had two options, feel sorry for myself or thank God that I'm alive.  Fortunately, I resisted the former and spent the day being fairly productive.  This evening, I reminisced on older days, days with family and days remembering tragedy.

In America, we are blessed, though we rarely acknowledge it.  Yes, I suffered abuse at the hands of protectors.  However, I also had wonderful opportunities to go to school, meet new people and potentially better myself.  Even now, I am living over 1200 miles from my family, pursuing a Master's, and experiencing a new culture. 

In many countries, this would not be a possibility, especially for a young female.  At 24, I would already be married with several little ones or considered an old maid in many countries.  How awesome is it that I can say that I am a valuable person with opportunities to grow and choose my future.

I am also allowed to choose what religion to believe in and able to worship my God freely.  Some are not even afforded the privilege of openly or privately worshipping a God.  While we still must fight for the privilege to believe what we wish, the constitution affords us this privilege and even calls it a right.

So, today, and everyday, I will choose to thank God for the ability and opportunity to better myself and worship him.  I pray that you will thank God for these freedoms.  And for those of you who do not live in America and do not have many of these privileges, I pray that God will bless your life and help you to be all you can.

Learning to Love Yourself: Part 3

Forgiveness

Many a sermon has been on the difficult topic of forgiveness or rather learning to forgive others.  However, I have learned that the one person I needed to forgive the most is myself.  After all, how can I love myself if I cannot forgive even the smallest thing that God forgives.

Throughout my journey to healing from my past, I have struggled with getting over how weak I was, even though I was a child at the time.  I still find things I wish I could change.  But these grudges that I held against myself really held me back in my relationship with God. 

Here are a few tips to forgiving yourself. 
1. Acknowledge what you hold against yourself.  Put it into perspective with the situation or time.  Is this something you could have helped?
2.  Own it.  Even if it is something trivial, own what you struggle to forgive.  Perhaps it is a matter of feeling you should have been nicer to someone or you think you failed someone else or yourself.
3.  Be gracious.  Everyone makes mistakes.  You must be gracious with yourself and learn to forgive and move on.

In the end, the past is the past, the future a mystery.  Live in the present regret free.

Learning to Love Yourself: Part 2

Finding the Good:

Take a few minutes and list ten things that you like about yourself.  This list will be difficult but give it a shot.  Here is my list to give you a few ideas:

1.  I am intelligent.
2.  I am cheerful.
3.  I am compassionate.
4.  I am loving.
5.  I am a great listener.
6.  I am proud of my all-natural hair color.
7.  I am mostly in shape.
8.  I am energetic.
9.  I am attentive.
10.  I am hopeful.

Take a look at your list, even it took you awhile.  These are things to be proud of. 

What if I can't find ten things? 
That's okay.  Even one thing is a start. 

Isn't it sinful to boast?
Yes.  However, God did create you and saw good.  This is an exercise in seeing the good that God sees and learning to love who you are and who you can be.

I've made the list.  Now what?
When you are feeling down or being too hard on yourself, look at this list and remind yourself of the good you have.  Learn to see and love the good in you.

Learning to Love Yourself: Part 1

Lately, I have searched myself and seen just how far I have came from who I was.  Five years ago, I hated myself.  I saw a weak person who had allowed others to hurt me.  I could never forgive myself for not speaking up sooner and for not being strong enough or smart enough to stop the abuse.  I saw a person who had a little too much fat, and too many emotional issues for any to love. 

Now, I love who I am and work on changing what I do not like.  I still have a long way to go, but I love where I have come.

Because of my experience and my mistakes, I am offering this bit of wisdom to all who are willing to listen and engage in conversation.  As I go through this, feel free to drop in your thoughts, agreements, or disagreements.   Most of all, may God be with you on your journey.