Learning to Love Yourself: Part 3

Forgiveness

Many a sermon has been on the difficult topic of forgiveness or rather learning to forgive others.  However, I have learned that the one person I needed to forgive the most is myself.  After all, how can I love myself if I cannot forgive even the smallest thing that God forgives.

Throughout my journey to healing from my past, I have struggled with getting over how weak I was, even though I was a child at the time.  I still find things I wish I could change.  But these grudges that I held against myself really held me back in my relationship with God. 

Here are a few tips to forgiving yourself. 
1. Acknowledge what you hold against yourself.  Put it into perspective with the situation or time.  Is this something you could have helped?
2.  Own it.  Even if it is something trivial, own what you struggle to forgive.  Perhaps it is a matter of feeling you should have been nicer to someone or you think you failed someone else or yourself.
3.  Be gracious.  Everyone makes mistakes.  You must be gracious with yourself and learn to forgive and move on.

In the end, the past is the past, the future a mystery.  Live in the present regret free.

Learning to Love Yourself: Part 2

Finding the Good:

Take a few minutes and list ten things that you like about yourself.  This list will be difficult but give it a shot.  Here is my list to give you a few ideas:

1.  I am intelligent.
2.  I am cheerful.
3.  I am compassionate.
4.  I am loving.
5.  I am a great listener.
6.  I am proud of my all-natural hair color.
7.  I am mostly in shape.
8.  I am energetic.
9.  I am attentive.
10.  I am hopeful.

Take a look at your list, even it took you awhile.  These are things to be proud of. 

What if I can't find ten things? 
That's okay.  Even one thing is a start. 

Isn't it sinful to boast?
Yes.  However, God did create you and saw good.  This is an exercise in seeing the good that God sees and learning to love who you are and who you can be.

I've made the list.  Now what?
When you are feeling down or being too hard on yourself, look at this list and remind yourself of the good you have.  Learn to see and love the good in you.

Learning to Love Yourself: Part 1

Lately, I have searched myself and seen just how far I have came from who I was.  Five years ago, I hated myself.  I saw a weak person who had allowed others to hurt me.  I could never forgive myself for not speaking up sooner and for not being strong enough or smart enough to stop the abuse.  I saw a person who had a little too much fat, and too many emotional issues for any to love. 

Now, I love who I am and work on changing what I do not like.  I still have a long way to go, but I love where I have come.

Because of my experience and my mistakes, I am offering this bit of wisdom to all who are willing to listen and engage in conversation.  As I go through this, feel free to drop in your thoughts, agreements, or disagreements.   Most of all, may God be with you on your journey.

Vulnerability is strength

Our world teaches to be strong, insisting that any sign of weakness will be the end.  You must be strong, we hear.  You cannot trust anyone but yourself, they teach us.  There is no higher power, no one to save you, but you. 

We buy into the lies.  We put on the mask of strength and independence.  Out in the world, and often in our homes, we cannot and do not trust anyone. 

This path leads us to loneliness and destruction.  For many, it leads to suicidal ideation or other self-destructive choices. 

I was one of those people.  I wore the mask and seemed so strong to everyone... but myself.  And when it mattered most, I could nothing.  I ran into myself and broke through the wall.  I realized just how weak I really was.  And I learned just how strong God is and how he created us to have strength in numbers.  We cannot stand alone forever.

After near devastation, I started putting the mask and allowing my defenses to be broken down.  It hurt and sometimes still hurts.  I struggle with trusting others, but I have learned to be honest with myself and with others.  I will not put on a show anymore, because in the simple of honesty, I have strength, strength to allow God to heal my heart and to allow people to know the real me.

Will you join me?  Will you put down your mask and be honest, even if only in a small way?

Learning to Love You

"You cannot make someone love you.  You can only be someone who can be loved."
                                                -unknown

Too often we try to be something we're not to so that we can be loved.  And we've all seen the movies that depict a person gaining popularity by losing who he is. 

I have honestly learned that I can only be loved when I am who I love to be.  After many struggles and failures (including a breakdown), I stopped trying and instead starting take care of me first.  I love people and want so much to help everyone; however, I cannot help anyone if I do not first give myself the attention needed to tend to my wounds.

For any of you reading this, I challenge you to step away from the world's idea of you and take a long look in the mirror.  Do you love what you see?  If not, change it.  Take the challenge of facing yourself and starting the long road to finding who you are.

Beautiful As You Are

When you look in a mirror, what do you see?  Do you see a beautiful face, a person who matters?  Or, like many, do you see every little flaw?  Do you see a tarnished person, a piece of trash?  You are NOT alone.

I used to look in a mirror and see a person who was so dirty no one could possibly want to know me.  I did not see worth, value, intelligence, beauty.  In fact, I had seen it proven time and again that I was disposable, only worth what others could take.

But then, I met the one person who saw me differently, someone who didn't want anything from me.  He only wanted to give me the love that I really deserved and show me the worth that was there all along.  Through tumultuous times, He stripped away my defenses, brought to my knees, and opened my eyes to the value that He saw, the person He created.  And it is only through His love, God's love, that I am still here. 

God found me, or rather I found Him, when I had reached the lowest point in my childhood.  And it was at this crucial turning point that God came into my life.  From then on, I had something to live for, a reason to do well and try to make something of myself. 



Are not two sparrows sold for a penny?  Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father's care.  And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered.  So don't be afraid, you are worth more than many sparrows.  Matthew 10:29-31

How Great the Father's Love

Recently, I had a very thought provoking conversation with a coworker.  He told me that he believed love is a lie.  The sad reality is that, after hearing his story, I can understand his point. 

Far too often, children are subjected to situations far out of their control and begin to form this warped view of a love that no one would want a part of.  Sadly, the story never ends.  Again and again, I have heard and seen this.  In fact, I had a point when I doubted that there could ever be such a love that I would want to know.

Fortunately, I met Jesus and my life changed.  It didn't change overnight, but it did change.  After many years and a dark spell, I really began to experience a life changing, life-saving love.  It was this love that taught me to look to God rather than people for the love I needed.  Only when this hole inside of me is filled with the love of God can I then really experience a healthy from other people. 

I pray that God would show you this love and heal your wounds just as He is healing mine.