Beautiful As You Are

When you look in a mirror, what do you see?  Do you see a beautiful face, a person who matters?  Or, like many, do you see every little flaw?  Do you see a tarnished person, a piece of trash?  You are NOT alone.

I used to look in a mirror and see a person who was so dirty no one could possibly want to know me.  I did not see worth, value, intelligence, beauty.  In fact, I had seen it proven time and again that I was disposable, only worth what others could take.

But then, I met the one person who saw me differently, someone who didn't want anything from me.  He only wanted to give me the love that I really deserved and show me the worth that was there all along.  Through tumultuous times, He stripped away my defenses, brought to my knees, and opened my eyes to the value that He saw, the person He created.  And it is only through His love, God's love, that I am still here. 

God found me, or rather I found Him, when I had reached the lowest point in my childhood.  And it was at this crucial turning point that God came into my life.  From then on, I had something to live for, a reason to do well and try to make something of myself. 



Are not two sparrows sold for a penny?  Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father's care.  And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered.  So don't be afraid, you are worth more than many sparrows.  Matthew 10:29-31

How Great the Father's Love

Recently, I had a very thought provoking conversation with a coworker.  He told me that he believed love is a lie.  The sad reality is that, after hearing his story, I can understand his point. 

Far too often, children are subjected to situations far out of their control and begin to form this warped view of a love that no one would want a part of.  Sadly, the story never ends.  Again and again, I have heard and seen this.  In fact, I had a point when I doubted that there could ever be such a love that I would want to know.

Fortunately, I met Jesus and my life changed.  It didn't change overnight, but it did change.  After many years and a dark spell, I really began to experience a life changing, life-saving love.  It was this love that taught me to look to God rather than people for the love I needed.  Only when this hole inside of me is filled with the love of God can I then really experience a healthy from other people. 

I pray that God would show you this love and heal your wounds just as He is healing mine.

Memories

At church this evening, my pastor made a reference to a "prayer closet."  The moral of the lesson was about how we go to Christ for all of our supplies.  However, I had difficulty focusing on the moral of the story.
Instead, I thought of how I used to spend time sitting in my closet as a child.  It was one of the few places where I felt safe.  As tends to happen, I spent some time fighting off a memory of my childhood abuse.

Fortunately, this was one of the lesser times.  Sadly, I fear that it may not remain this way.

Please pray that I can continue to remain in control of the memories and emotions.

God does provide

This week, I have lost my old phone and spent far more than I should have to get a new one. However, God also provided the means for me to get a phone that many "modern" people use. This sudden expenditure has left me concerned about finances; however, today my mantra is going to be God provides for those who claim Him as Lord. I have seen and experienced this many times but often am still crippled with worry. I know that God will provide just as He does for even the least. May God be with you.

Dealing with Depression

I have never been officially diagnosed with depression, primarily due to my own pride.  I desire to deal with depression without using chemicals.  However, I fear with the recurring depression and its ability to impair my life, I may have to admit that I cannot do this alone.  I've known that I cannot, but I still prefer keeping my facade and not admitting defeat to anyone. 

I have tried many natural remedies, including eating fish and taking St. John's Wort.  If you have any suggestions to help with depression, feel free to share.

To Begin

This is my first post, so here goes.  I am not good at opening up and letting the world see the real me.  I learned at a young age that the world is dangerous place; therefore, it is better to put up a wall and maybe I wouldn't be hurt.  Unfortunately, I have learned that the wall is keeping me from being happy and sharing what God has done and will do.

I make a promise to always be honest with you, my readers.  All I ask in return is that you let me help you and let God in.  Please join me as I venture into this chaos in hopes of finding peace.